New Year's resolution #1: use this blog more regularly.
New Year's resolution #2: break the bad habits I've fallen into at school.
Last year was the NQT year. The year everyone said would be hell on earth. It was difficult, yes, but I felt most of the difficulties came from unexpected issues with the school/department rather than from being an NQT specifically.
This year is proving to be far more difficult- both personally and professionally, and I feel I've fallen into bad habits.
1) I've become a grumpy cynic.
Was I just a naive NQT and now reality has struck? The negativity in my school is definitely having an adverse effect on my personality and, therefore, my teaching. Now I'm mostly sad and lacking any kind of enthusiasm. At times I worry about the effect this job is having on my mental health. I know there's very little I can do about the negativity; afterall, people are entitled to voice their opinions. My resolution is not let someone else's opinion influence what I do.
2) Work/life balance? What?
I know I work in a good school with great students which is half the battle won. At the same time, I feel that the expectation on staff means I have no semblance of a work/life balance. All I do at the moment is work, or worry that I'm not doing enough work. Right now, when I've taken a break for Christmas, I'm worrying about the amount of work I haven't done. I find myself deliberately not making plans at weekends because I know there'll be marking to do. This is probably indicative of the profession as a whole, and I know I'm not the only teacher with this issue. There have been several occasions this term when I've considered leaving the profession, but I truly enjoy teaching (as much as this post might suggest otherwise) and the chance to engage with growing minds every day is something no other job will give me.
3) Speak up.
This is a tough one. On occasions this term when I have voiced my concerns I've been told that doing so is 'crossing the line'. Other times, when I've followed the rules, I've been hauled over the coals. I feel as though I'm in a lose/lose situation. Some of this, I suspect, is due to my age and relative inexperience. But that's not a valid excuse. A school's duty, surely, is to support rather than trip-up its staff. My aim, therefore, is to speak up for clarity over what I can and cannot say/do. Unfortunately, I fear I'll ruffle some feathers in the process, but I'm unhappy working in what feels an environment of cliques and hypocrisy, where age is more influential than sense. Again, I've considered moving schools, but I suspect there'll be a trade-off: one problem for another. The other option, I suppose, is to say nothing, remain grumpy and become passive.
So, my resolution is to act. It would be easy to run away, but I don't like that option. 2015 will be the year when I finally get to grips with this profession and show my school that I'm not just a pushover. At least, that's the plan.
